Hello and welcome to my super-duper bumper "Top Five __ Moments" of Series Five! It was a head-melting, mind-blowing, fantastically epic and wonderfully entertaining series, with plenty of stand out moments, strong characters and brilliant storylines. This review is to commemorate those!
FIVE FUNNIEST MOMENTS
Times when I lol'd (as I'm told the kids say these days).
- Victory of the Daleks: "Can I offer you some tea?"
Ah, the jolly green Daleks. Wandering around, generally being helpful, and even offering to brew a cuppa. Not what I expected, but it made me laugh. Quite a lot. Especially when the Doctor politely turned down their request by battering them with a giant screwdriver and inadvertently causing their leaders to be reborn. Next time, just take the tea, eh?
- Vampires of Venice: The Stag Party
The Doctor bursting out of a cake. Rory's face, becoming more and more stunned and confused as the Doctor explains to him about Amy's failed seduction attempt in the most tactless way possible. At least he remembered to get the actual stripper a jumper. But not till he tells Rory how good a kisser Amy is. And that's when he's trying to make him feel better. Comedy gold.
"I'm the Doctor, the Oncoming Storm... And you basically just meant beating them at football, didn't you?" The Lodger was an hilarious episode from start to finish (I've a soft spot for the shower scene, obviously), but this for me was the best bit: the Doctor mistaking annihilating a football team for the violence he abhors, and getting embarrassed. Priceless!
- The Pandorica Opens: Reunion
The Doctor meeting Rory in the Underhenge and not quite realising for a few minutes what a momentous occasion it was is, in my humble opinion, the funniest segment of Doctor Who all series. I love love LOVE the dynamic between these two, and their clashes have resulted in much mirth over the series. Please, lots more Rory next year. I'm sick of you killing him off!
- The Big Bang: The Doctor Dances
Oh my God. Just... Wrong. He dances like I do when I'm self-conscious. Though I have never attempted his hands in the air, goose-stepping move, that I hear has been dubbed the "Mad Giraffe", which really suits it, weirdly. But still brilliant and hilarious, no matter how bad the dancing was!
FIVE SADDEST MOMENTS
Hankies at the ready!
- The Eleventh Hour: Waiting
My heart actually broke for little Amelia Pond sitting on her suitcase waiting for the Doctor. I just knew he wasn't coming back for her, and I just wanted to give her a big hug. Mean Doctor.
- Flesh and Stone: Octavian
Octavian's death was very affecting. He was a good leader of men, strong, persistent and faithful, even though he did rat on River! But his death was tragic, and his final words ("I think, Doctor, that you saw me at my best.") just made me well up.
- Amy's Choice: Rory's Death
I can't state enough how much I love Rory. He's funny, loyal, he stands up to the Doctor. Go Rory! And then he gets breathed on by an ancient eye on a stalk and crumbles before our very eyes. All credit to Karen Gillan for Amy's reaction, she portrays the emotions that follow the death extremely well and helps make it extra tragic.
Much as it pains me to mention this episode, I must, because Rory's (second, real) death is incredibly sad, especially since it happens in such an otherwise shit episode. In fact it feels tacked on at the end and sort of throwaway, which I find insulting to such a great character. Yes, he died a hero's death, protecting the Doctor, but he still deserved better. And again, Amy's reactions were brilliant.
- Vincent and the Doctor: You Can't Change Time
I was seriously bawling my eyes out during this episode. For most of it in fact. I think I started around the time Vincent freaks out when the Doctor says they'll leave him in peace when they're done, and didn't stop till long after the credits rolled. But I definitely cried hardest when Amy and the Doctor returned to the art gallery to discover that Vincent had still killed himself. Granted, one day was not going to cure his depression, but Amy's sorrow and the Doctor trying to explain to her about adding to people's good piles had me weeping buckets. Yes it was schmaltzy, but it was good schmaltzy. And they handled the issue of depression really well.
- The Big Bang: The Pandorica Closes
The Doctor and Amy's parting speech before he flies off to (not really!) never be seen again was also weep-worthy. I'm a sucker for scenes in which characters are torn apart and this just touched me! Okay, so deep down I knew that it would all work out (they're both signed up for next season) but still. I'm not made of stone!!
FIVE GREAT RIVER MOMENTS
She deserves her own section, she's kick-ass and sexy and funny, and I love her!
- The Time of Angels: The Byzantium
The sheer cheek of the woman to leave her co-ordinates on the ship's box for the Doctor to find and save her was just breathtaking. She clearly knows she's important to him and just glides through life in the knowledge that he'll always come to her rescue. What a legend.
- The Pandorica Opens: Goodbye
I could easily have featured River's escape from Stormcage in the funniest moments section, but she just kicks so much ass here that I left it for her finest moments. Again using her hallucinogenic lipstick (Poison Ivy much?), she tricks the guard into believing his foiled her attempt and leaves a little stick figure drawing of herself on the wall, waving at him. Genius.
- The Pandorica Opens: Explosives
I found this quite Star Wars-y. The space bar, the black market dealing... And River playing it as cool as Han Solo, making the dealer an offer he can't refuse for his Vortex Manipulator.
- The Pandorica Opens: Cleopatra
Oh the lengths River goes to to get in touch with the Doctor. Defacing the oldest cliff in the universe and then flashing her cleavage pretending to be Cleopatra and deceiving the Romans. She's a tough one!
But ask the Daleks. She's clearly
much tougher than we gave her credit for. She had the giant stone Dalek begging for mercy after it went through it's database and found her. A
Dalek. Begging for mercy. Who the hell are you, River?! Whoever you turn out to be, I take my hat off to you.
FIVE GREAT MOMENTS OF THE DOCTOR BEING SEXY
Yes, I am putting this section in! Deal with it, or enjoy it :) I just wish his Glastonbury appearance would qualify here!
- The Eleventh Hour: Defending the Earth
Eleven asserts himself as the Doctor and scares the Atraxi away from the planet. Short, to the point and just epic. I completely bought him as the Doctor in that moment, and also completely fell in love with him, bowtie and all.
- Victory of the Daleks: Wrench
I don't know about the rest of you, but the Doctor getting all passionate about the Daleks being evil was quite interesting! Yes, he was ranting and raving and wielding a ridiculous wrench, but seeing him get all worked up and be the angry Doctor was great.
And so we flit from the two extremes, angry and passionate to comforting and loving. His treatment of Amy when she's alone in the forest is touching and heart-breakingly nice, a complete contrast to how he usually treats her. Who doesn't like a man that crosses timelines just to give you a bit of hope?!
Yes, I'm going for the obvious one! But not for the reasons you might think. Yes, he gets naked and runs about in just a towel. But he does it with such humour, while trying to protect James Corden with just a toothbrush, and.... Oh fuck it. Yes, he's naked and just out of the shower, and it's great.
- The Big Bang: Reappearance
Gosh. Doesn't he scrub up well? After disappearing into the crack and vanishing from history, Amy remembers the Doctor and brings him back, looking completely and utterly swish in a tux. Terrible dancing aside, from then on he's just utterly irresistible!
FIVE STUPIDEST MOMENTS
It's been a great series, but some moments were just so ridiculous I had to give them a section of their own. And yes, sometimes it is just like shooting fish in a barrell. Fuckin' Chibnall.
- Vampires of Venice: Dinner-dinner-dinner-dinner-dinner
BATMAN!! The Doctor ascending the bell tower was ridiculously reminiscent of the old Adam West series. It just looked awful and totally destroyed the drama of the moment. But it was pretty funny.
- Cold Blood: Sudden Change of Mind
So... Malokeh. He's the Silurian at the end of The Hungry Earth that has dissected Mo and is about to dissect Amy. He also puts a little boy in suspended animation and tortures the Doctor. All in all, not a friendly chap. Yet, because he likes science, the Doctor starts shaking his hand and telling him he loves him. What the fuck?!
- Cold Blood: The Negotiation
Seriously, Doctor, did you think that the discussions taking place between Amy, Nasreen and Eldane would have any effect on the surface? Did you think the USA would gladly give up their deserts for the Silurians? What the hell was going through your head?
- Cold Blood: Deus Ex Machina
Oh look! The Silurians have a way of knocking out their entire race for 1000 years! Hurray! The day has been saved. Yawn.
Just... Why? Why do this to us? We're intelligent beings. We know that the crack can't be touched without you getting erased from history. We watched Flesh and Stone a couple of weeks ago. Then why in the name of all that's holy was the Doctor able to put in his hand and pull out a bit of the TARDIS? Epically, unbelievably, retarded.
FIVE GREAT EPIC MOMENTS
Yes, I do overuse that word. These are the moments that made my jaw drop in awe.
- The Eleventh Hour: Defending the Earth
I had to include this again, because it was just cool. The whole speech about "Is this planet protected?" followed by the montage of previous Doctors and then Eleven stepping through them all and laying claim to the title, was spectacular.
The scene where Vincent, Amy and the Doctor are lying on the grass, watching the stars as they transform into "The Starry Night" is about as poetic as film-making gets. It was just utterly beautiful.
- The Time of Angels: The Necropolis
Just the image of the Doctor throwing the light skywards and illuminating the entire maze of the dead, was stunning. It was huge and dark and just loomed over the landscape, lending a sense of dread and scale that was breathtaking.
- The Pandorica Opens: Speech
My favourite epic moment. Eleven challenging all his enemies to come and take the Pandorica from him, as they circled overhead, was awe-inspiring. I loved it, especially the "Do the smart thing - let someone else try first." It was brave and arrogant and ultimately useless, considering what happened after, but still a great moment in the series.
The Big Bang was epic from start to finish, filled with huge moments, the Universe restarting, lots of timey-wimey stuff and most things being set right in the end, but one scene sticks out in my mind. The Doctor: "I wear a Fez now. Fezzes are cool." River and Amy's response: Amy pulls it off his head and throws it, and River shoots it down. Sorry, Doc, it had to be done.
FIVE SCARY MOMENTS
- The Eleventh Hour: Prisoner Zero
Eek. Imagine finding out that the crack on your bedroom wall leads to a far-distant prison, and their prize prisoner has escaped through the crack and into your house. And then your newfound friend with all the answers disappears for twelve years leaving you there with it. No wonder Amy went through four psychiatrists.
- The Time of Angels: Ringu
Just when I thought the Angels couldn't get any scarier... IT STARTS COMING OUT OF THE BLOODY TV!!! Moving slowly and eerily and flickering into life, foiled only by some well-timed pausing of the video. Dear God. I was on the edge of my seat. I still want to know what happened to the picture of the Angel in Blink though. Why didn't it work?!
- Flesh and Stone: Little Red Riding Hood
And then they get even scarier. Who knew actually seeing them move would be so horrible?! Poor Amy trying to navigate blindly through them as they become aware that she can't see them is terrifying stuff.
The Dream Lord was a great character, brilliantly portrayed by Toby Jones: creepy, unsettling, a user of bad puns. But his most diabolical moment had to be the pervy kimono. That was just... Wrong. On so many levels.
- The Pandorica Opens: The Pandorica Closes
You're not supposed to be able to trap the Doctor! Man, just looking at that tiny enclosed prison and imagining being stuck in there for any length of time, never mind eternity, almost brought on a panic attack. And the handcuffs, and head restraint, and the way it folded closed with the Doctor screaming for them to listen... Okay I need fresh air and sedatives!!
FIVE GREAT CAMEOS
There have been great guest appearances this year. Including:
- The Beast Below: Sophie Okonedo
She's great. I loved her in Aeon Flux, and here she plays a really tough, kick-ass Queen of England. Best line? When describing the Doctor, using the phrase "hair of an idiot." It was just funny.
- The Time of Angels: Alex Kingston
Yes, I love River. And look, Alex Kingston got to kiss George Clooney once. That has to count for something. Plus she was one of the best damn things about this already great series.
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